World Domination?

Personally I can think of so many better things to do with my time than the ever cliched "taking over the world" plot, but since that's what the kids are into these days I feel that I should at least give you amatures a few pointers. Do be sure to take notes.

First and foremost; you cannot BUY the world. This includes earning the world as ransom. To buy the world would be the same as you sitting there and declaring "the world belongs to me" out loud, except saying it would waste a lot less of your time. In fact, if you have any evil plot that involves you becoming rich then you might as well scrap the plan and start over. Money is cheap.

Second; make sure everyone fears you. I don't mean make them scared, I mean strike fear into their hearts. If you have plenty of followers, one of the more interesting methods would be to train them to be an army of death. Order them to march through a sea of bullets and rip the enemy troops apart with their bare hands. A less costly method would be to station your minions as secret suicide bombers inside of every nuclear facility that you can think of. After the first explosion, have one of your lackeys speak to the media for you (your face should never be known to the world). Have him introduce you as the god of death or whatever you're into, and poke around at them as you see fit until they do as you say like loyal puppies. After that you can start rewarding obedience. Just be sure the rewards are things they really want and continue to punish disobedience as it occurs. Never leave them alone.

Lastly; plan to be caught. I'm getting tired of seeing villains not planning ahead. I don't care if you think you're invincible. If getting sent to prison foils your plan it makes you look pathetic. You should always have a plan in case you get caught. While you're at it, take a chapter from the joker and make getting caught your plan. It's not something most people expect and it adds on to their fear if they think catching you doesn't stop you. This also applies if you should get killed. Death is no excuse in my book. Train a lackey to take your place, you freakin noob.

I hope this has made you all a little better informed on how to take over the world. When you start putting your separate plans into action, I will be watching from the side lines as you all destroy each other over a big ball of dirt.

If you have any questions, be sure to write me at omniepicwizard@gmail.com. Who knows, your email may even become the focus of my next topic.